Political Love Song

I’ll be the Petronella Wyatt
To your Boris Johnson
The shy undergraduate
From Portillo’s youth
More than a footnote
In your memoirs
A flattering testimony
When the papers hear the truth

I’m a diligent under-secratery
Ambitious, sharp and keen
We’ll out-scandalise Profumo
Make Back to Basics Squeaky Clean

I’ll suck your toes
In a football strip
Rendezvous on Hampstead Heath
You be the Speaker
I’ll have the chief whip
Clenched firmly between my teeth

Looking back, it all began
In 1963
The chatterly ban
Was a flash in the pan
And I met my first MP

You be Thatcher, I’ll be Dennis
We’ll weather the political storm
I’m Edwina Currie to your John Major
Something new, a break from the Norm

I’ve met with Hughes and Oaten
I’m the bottle in Kennedy’s drawer
I’ve had right hooks from Prescott
And still come back for more

A week’s a long time in Politics
And I know they say sleaze is a sin
But if you’ve got a spare day round Westminster
I’ll do my best to fit you in.