The Sheeps and The Cows and The Milk of The Human Kindness

"The Funky Dracula"
Originally uploaded by Dolores Luxedo.

So Andy has a job, and it involves working in Mrs Fitzherberts serving drinks to those who can hack that New Street charm. And it being that time of the week where Andy is in my house when I go to sleep and in my house when I wake up (no offence. I wake up late). I pop down ‘fitzsies for a pint of the evening. During the day lovely ms brown anna moves to Tommys. We talk about sandsculpture much of the evening and the chance that Can’t Snoerkel might play in a church. Charley is drunk and so is Dave the Machine which brings us to talking about gigs especially given the DM Flute situation. Steve gets put off Jed because of the ‘crotch rubs’.

In the end Elizabeth and Mau-ra (or Marta to the common pronouncer) stroll over to our table and whilst Alice is having a dirty (no-contact) heart to heart we talk to my fellow MA stundents.

My main concern with fellow MA students is that I sometimes feel like I haven’t ever properly ‘bonded’ with them, as I’ve been living in B&H for fiveish years, it's very different to coming down here to study and not knowing anyone. Hah. But on the other hand I want to see them without a hazy blur or it being seminar class. I really don't want to lose touch with them, well, the ones I get on with anyway. And they’re all finished now so a pastie in EURO is out of the question, It’s not a lust action, merely a yearning for hot modernism. Maybe we shall meet at Seamus Heaney’s funeral.

So the next day we were going to go and look at the sand sculptures on the beach but me and Rosie and Tom and Anna went for a swim and the tide was so far out that we actually had sand. I walked out to the buoy that Jed and Rosanne considered second best. We had some incredible swim and despite Rosie’s revealing costume made it home.

Later we cooked some food and went back to the beach. Tommy and Rosie found some wood, and we had a fire. As me and Anna were about to find some wood, it struck midnight. It being Anna’s birthday, we all sung Happy Birthday, and yearned for years wirhout such Canadian hassling.

We went to find wood and somehow found ourselves in a back alley where we actually did find wood although we kind of fell over in the street and looked a bit like we were homeless to all the people walking past. But yes, we did find a bag full of loads of wood, as if by some kind of divine placement. Back on the beach Rosanne bumped into an old friend from St. Albans. Home eventually leaving Tommy Rosie Daniel and Anna on the beach.

The next morning it was still Anna’s birthday and we went out for breakfast in the Dumb Waiter, before strolling down to the Pavillion Gardens, where we were given free rock and Daniel explained how he would go into Costa to use the toilet. Jed ran into the Pav Gar, knocked Andy over, and ran out again. Anna went off to work and then, it being the day that Nicky P graduated, he arrived accompanied by my (and his) mother and father. They bought me a cup of tea and we hung out with my parents until they went off to go shake Richard Attenborough’s hand.

That evening, we were to set off to Basingstoke to go to Anna’s house. Stefan came round, who is the coolest Icelandic guy with a big red van full of sheeps and cows. As the six of us (me, Anna, Tommy, Daniel Taylor, Andy and Stefan) waited for Jed to arrive my parents and Nick turned up again, presenting me with various racquets and a bread machine, and laughing at Tommy’s moustache. Jed turned up and we all got in the van. Our first mistake was to let Jed read the map, and to let Andy study the Highway Code book and correct Stefan’s driving. The other four of us sat in the back, which was a big squashy bed, mostly. As we drove along, Stefan had to stop suddenly and the four of us went flying through the air into the middle of the van in a shower of cherries and beer. Nobody was hurt, although Tommy feared for his clavicle. After three hours and a couple of minor detours and u-turns, we finally found ourselves in Basingstoke, home of roundabouts, Well Well Well (UK) Ltd, and Anna’s parents. They had cooked the most incredible amount of food and we ate as much as we could, but didn’t seem to affect the amount of food that remained. Andy went a bit over the top and came up off the food in a severe way. Childhood photo viewing along with a wardrobe inspection

Fine wines, Japanese tea sets and the Basingstoke Open Top Bus Tour.

I will crush you like a . . , pancake? Pumpkin?

Lets drink, drink. This town is so great
And so as I write the donkey rears up with a photo album in its hooves, the forlorn chicken head lying empty at its feet

before we knew what was going on we whisked the cushions out from under Tommy and the sheeps and the cows. Eventually to sleep on a creaky sofa bed for morning hair tugging and other adventures. The machete sliced through the airborne lemon. Back to the van as Andy borrowed a box of wine. Playing 20 questions with Daniel Taylor; “is it a sloth?”. Back at Jacobs, cups of tea with Alice. Andy made his trousers into shorts, leaving him without trousers. Jacob got back from London and then we went into town.

In town Andy had to work and me and alice had a pint at the Mrs Fitzherberts as Andy worked. Jed and Jarvis arrived and we went to drink German Beer at the Evening Star whilst Alice went home to cook up dinner. The german and belgian beer was strong and we attempted to crash a party as jed and jarvis stumbled over cars;

“Pardon me. I have just moved in next door and was wanting to borrow a mug of sugar”.

It didn’t work. We went home. Jarvis tried to spice Jed, but could find nothing more than cayenne pepper, which didn’t touch him, so he spooned boullion and coffee into Jed’s mouth until he woke up. I was merely sitting in the deckchair with weak arms and legs.